My life is Awkward. I was asking friends what stories I should share and one of them suggested I should just dedicate an entire blog to my awkward moments. I could categorize them even. Awkward moments when I ripped my pants, awkward moments when I fainted, awkward moments when I said/emailed something awkward, awkward moments that resulted from my extreme love of foam soap...
I'll start out with this video...
This is me attempting to pond skim, which is where you bomb it down a hill and try to ski/snowboard all the way across the pond. It's harder than it looks. I had a pretty good wipeout but I didn't even win "Best Wipeout." My favorite part of the video is when you can hear my friend Allison (who is recording me) laughing pretty much the whole time. At the end I yell, "The DuckKnight will rise again." And then, "GO DUCKS."
Foam Soap:
I'll start out with my extreme passion for foam soap. I love foam soap. And there's no such thing as too much foam soap. If I happen to be at a fancy restroom, and they have quality foam soap, I will use about 27 squirts of it. I was getting ready for a track meet once in high school. Practically the whole girl's team was squished into a tiny restroom. Girls were at various stages of getting dressed/undressed. This is important to remember. I had used the restroom, and went to wash my hands. Alas! They had foam soap! My favorite! I squirted probably only 6 squirts on my hands and was generously foaming my hands up. It was at this time, that a teammate happened to tell me that the sinks didn't work. What do you mean they didn't work? I had just seen another teammate use them (or so I thought). I went to all three of the sinks and couldn't get any water to come out. I had an idea!
And what an idea it was! I decided maybe if I bent down, so my face was level with the sink, and pulled really really really hard, I could get the water to come out. Well, I was successful in getting the water to come out, but....there was a small problem. I pulled the entire faucet off of the wall and the very vicious stream of water hit me straight in the face. This was no small stream of water and as a result, the bathroom was starting to flood, and flood it did! All the girls in the restroom were screaming as they attempted to finish dressing. In my moment of stupor, I stood there, as the water hit me full force, soaking me, until someone shoved me out of the way. I looked around me. Girls were grabbing all their clothing off the floor and trying to take cover by standing on the toilets. One girl managed to escape and went for help, which only means, that by the time the rest of us had collected ourselves, and went to exit, that there was a whole parade of people outside waiting to see what happened. I exploded out of the restroom first, soaked and flustered, and out behind me came a wall of water and the rest of the girl's team. We eventually got the water turned off. I completed my track meet soaking wet. And I was the talk of the event. As I was warming up for every event, everyone kept asking if they heard what that one girl from that one town did. Little did they know it was me. So an important lesson from here, sometimes, less foam soap is better. It's also important to bring extra clothes to a track meet, like a whole extra uniform, just in case something like this happens.
Ripping Pants:
I've ripped a lot of pants in my life. I don't know why, it's just something that I am really really good at. During my first week of college, I was playing ultimate frisbee with a few girls I had just met. When I participate in any sport, I get really really intense and enthusiastic even though I am not very good. I was SO into playing ultimate frisbee that I wasn't paying attention and the grass turned into concrete and that is where I tripped and ate it. I was trying to catch my breath which had been knocked out of me when all of a sudden I was being lifted, lifted into the air and into the arms of some stranger boy. Here I am, confused, as this guy cradles me in his arms and checks over me for injuries. Do I know this boy? NO. Did this boy just leap over a three foot tall cement wall to rescue me? YES. Did I get this boy's phone number? NO. But I probably should have. After I thanked my mysterious rescuer for helping me, I attempted to return to the game of frisbee acting like nothing happened. My new friends were probably a little embarrassed of me by then. But just wait for it. Within less than a minute, I squatted to catch a frisbee and the air practically echoed with a loud "RIIPPPP." Yep, it was my pants. I had ripped them straight down the butt. It's not like I could pretend nothing had happened. Ripping pants has a very distinguished noise to it, and they all knew what had happened. Two of them just kinda looked at me. But the third, yes the third, was laughing her head off. Coincidentally, it's the one who laughed at me that is now my best friend. I casually stood back up, tied a sweatshirt around my waist, and went to my friend whose dorm was the closest and borrowed some basketball shorts from her. Now I was wearing somebody else's shorts who I barely knew. It was an interesting start to my college experience, that's for sure.
This post is getting long and I'm afraid I have lost readers so I will just give some honorable mentions to some other awkward moments that have happened to me.
Honorable Mentions:
- Fainting at work
- Fainting on the toilet (My friend's cousin once fainted on the toilet, fell off, and broke his nose! I managed to stay on the toilet until I was finished fainting. And it was my own toilet, which is good, not like a random public one.)
- Face planting into a burrito, getting spicy chicken juice in your eye, and having to change your contacts
- Meaning to email your teacher and offer him condolences about the death of his family member, but actually emailing him and apologizing for the death of the family member (the email sounded like I was responsible that this person died)
- Joining a "No-Shave November" beard growing contest, two years in a row, and winning "Honorable Mention" (No, I didn't actually grow a beard.)
- When my package got delivered to the wrong address, I pasted a note to the mailboxes asking someone to return it, it got returned but had awkwardly been opened
Too funny!
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